A New Idea For Cleaning Leagues Up: New Leagues

Posted on Aug 13 2013 - 11:03pm by Mike Bagarella
Eat More on Twitter


Secondary sports leagues that try and contend with the best of the best usually, if not always, fail.

Football: Donald Trump killed the USFL in the mid-1980’s. The UFL never really took off and has been suspended since October 2012, and arena football is a sick joke.

Baseball: Independent baseball leagues—though they provide some great family fun (yes, at one point in my youth I debated purchasing season tickets for the now defunct North Shore Spirit)—they will never be as popular as the MLB.

Basketball: The ABA hasn’t existed since 1976, but D-League is cool I guess.

However, I have a full-proof plan to create the next best thing in the world of sports and, although it sounds ludicrous, hear me out on this.

Every league has its problems.  From PED’s in the MLB, penalties for illegal hits in the NFL, and unfair refereeing in the NBA, everyone seems to complain and complain about what’s wrong with these leagues; however, my idea will change all of that.  We create misfit leagues where anything goes.  This will establish a home for all athletes that want to cheat to gain an edge over those who play by the rules.  In turn this will clean up the leagues that everyone knows and loves.  It’ll be like turning fictitious video games such as MLB Slugfest and NFL Blitz into real life scenarios.

Football: Just throw every safety precaution right out the window for the new football league.  Each referee is permitted one flag a season in order to keep penalties to an extreme minimum. We’ll start training football players at young ages and have them hit like this:

Baseball: In our baseball league we will require excessive doses of steroids for each player.  As a result batters can hit absolute lasers that could burn holes in Fenway’s Green Monster.  People will actually enjoy watching baseball games again.  To all pitchers: unfortunately you guys really aren’t included in this new league and instead we will be having Robinson Cano’s dad throwing everyone BP.  At the very minimum, anyone looking for a contract will have to provide a before and after picture like this one of Jason Giambi:

before and after

Basketball: Essentially, basketball already has its misfit league scattered in the streets of cities across America, but lets make those things big time.  Up promotion, get some UFC fighters involved, and move them inside for a safer fan environment.  This should be the easiest to create.

As a final note: I wouldn’t be surprised if these leagues garnered more interest and more financial success than those that are already established. Currently taking any and all recommendations on names for the new leagues.


Leave A Response